my love was never unreal

So the world doesn't revolve around me but this story does. Do i have someone to revolve around me? Well that's my dream. A night in shining Armor or a traveller or even just an average curly hair guy who's taken my heart completely. We don't know. Okay it's going off track. 

I am Ananya, I am the cocky person who wants the world to revolve around me.

"Okay shut up." I say as I snorted. "It's what it is " says the guy on the other end of the phone.

" Listen kesshav we are not doomed to find love. You are" I laugh ridiculously as if I have won a prize. He says okay" I will talk to you later. Gotta work." "Scroll reels?" I say laughing. He disconnects my call.

I murmure and look at my parents and roll my eyes with hope on the tiny screen in my hand.

              Meet

"Are you excited?" Pops a message in my screen.

A fear cooked up as I replied " yes!!!"

I go back to my work dreading as it is Thursday. I sink in my laptop hoping I don't postpone my work for Tommorow.

A message pops " are we still meeting?" After a series of messages .

Me: so sorry I didn't notice.

Yes we are meeting.

"Meet me near Central Mall at 8"

( The actual story was me and him spiralling if he can come or I have work

And he comes anyway to meet me my sweet boy)

It's 9pm and he messages hey I am here. Where are you.

Me:I say so sorry I am on my way. 5 min otw. I run not exactly but I rush to meet him.

I see him for the first time anxious and worried if he's gonna kill me. He looks at my eyes and says " you are very beautiful" I blush a little bit.

Okay so can we eat here? I point out to upahar darshan. " How far is california burrito?" He asks.

I say within 2km. "Can we go there? " He asks.

I nod my head. Okay.

He took his bike out of the parking I look for the directions in map. I navigate the way and he follows my commands. As we stop in a traffic signal I lay my head in shoulder. I get a warmt comfort. He looks at me from his rear view mirror. I pretend like i didn't notice.

I stretch out as the green signal comes. The bike moves and we reached as we turned right and he stopped. I get down a little distressed and he removes his helmet and whispers " I can look at your eyes all day you are that pretty."

I blush again and nudge him to walk inside.

We wait at the counter trying to figure out what to eat.

And we go with the flow and chose our meals.

And collect our food and sit in a table across eachother.

We chitchat. My eyes wander and calming myself don't worry it's fine.

We Joke and walk out of the restaurant and I hope he stills talks to me the next day.

The talking stage.

We planned to meet everyday cause we were crazy and in love like that a month passed.

The way we met was crazy falling in love was crazy staying in love not sure.

I ask him at a gunpoint if you love me because I breakdown everyday if he would still choose me.

I cry and overthink and send a message let's breakup. But all I ever wanted was a promise that he would stay with me tomorrow. I wanted it everyday. He was tired of me fighting every time so he let me go.

My tiny screen vibrates. It was him smiling ( the picture)

I got the job in chennai and I want you to remember it carefully 

He took a deep breath and says 

"Listen please don't bring breakup every minor inconvenience. I know you think I don't love you anymore cause I spend time with you.

But I love you more than u can imagine.

All I ask is be patient with me. Whenever you feel like a breakdown read this again.

I will soon write you letters to tell you how you make me feel. I can give you reassurance but sorry to say it I can't give reassurance when I have a breakdown as well.

But never forget i won't stop loving you.

And never imagine leaving me. 

I love you forever and ever.

And I miss you every second."

I tear up and he says thangoo come outside your pg.

I cry even more and ask "are you outside?"

He doesn't understand and he says I am waiting out baby. come out.

I run like a maniac looking for his face and him standing there looking cool.

I froze. ( No words no overthinking)

Stood there like a statue. He calls me "Ananya "

Phone rings my eyes closed tightly I didn't notice who it was. 

The other line " Hello?"

 I reply with "Yes dear" his voice is memorized in my soul.

Due to the Uncomfortable silence the call is disconnected.

Will you be mine one last time.

             My mind is stuck in a traffic called life. Where it starts and ends without my permission.

Who am I?

I stare at the message I sent. " No contact"

I look at it like a little kid yearning for a puppy.

Oh dear lord what a fool I made of myself begging for love looking at the sky in the pouring rain.

My dearest love, I wanna scream at you looking down on me. I have disappointed the version I was before I was in love.

Love feels like a poison I enjoyed and crave back.

Is it crazy to want you back in my life. Even tho I know it's better this way.

I want to be yours for one last day. Where I can be whoever i want and you would be the last person to judge me.

I have written one last letter many times yet the perfect final one is lost in the Mail.

I want to come back to you crying about my day.

And rest my head on your chest and cry.

I want to hold your hand, intertwined and feel it all one last time.

Walk together in the abandoned roads like the first time.

My precious one i can't blame you. Even though you are self aware it's your fault.

I want one normal day. 

With you

The usual banter and the love you promised me

The life? I don't know 

But the safety I want it all back